Definitions

Here are some new definitions:

01. ETC. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually know.
02. COMMITTEE :Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
03. EXPERIENCE :The name men give to their mistakes.
04. ATOM BOMB : An invention to end all inventions.
05. PHILOSOPHER : A fool who torments himself during life,to be spoken of when dead.
06. DIPLOMAT : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
07. OPPORTUNIST : A person who starts talking a bath if he accidentlly falls into a river.
08. OPTIMIST : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See i am not injured yet ."
09. MISER : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
10. FATHER : A banker provided by nature.
11. CRIMINAL : A guy no different from the rest.......except that he got caught.
12. BOSS : Someone who is early when you are late, and late when you are early.
13. POLITICIAN : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
14. DOCTOR : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
Love: Temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Time: A great healer, but a lousy beautician.
Smile: A thing when performed makes people wonder what you may be thinking
Second marriage: The triumph of hope over experience.
Fear: The Tax that conscience pays to guilt.
Childhood: When you make faces at the mirror. Middle age: When the mirror gets even.
Bald man: A person who has a lot of face to wash and very little hair to comb.
Marriage: An institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a women gets her master’s.
Doctor: A person who cures your ills by pills and kills you by bills.
Alimony: A mode of payment that enables a women who at one time lived happily married,
to live happily un-married.
Rela-(ten)-sion: Seasonal stress caused by the impending arrival of extended family for
a holiday celebration. Especially elicited by those who have a history of causing strife,
trauma, and general discord. "My mother-in-law's inevitable dis-satisfaction with my
Thanksgiving-day cooking is an annual source of relatension."
Fakelation: Phony enthusiasm shown for an innappropriate or unwanted gift. "Grandma's
fakelation was obvious when she unwrapped the new javelin I bought for her. I should
have gotten her the discus."
Youth: A gift of nature
Age: A work of art.
What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.
Classic: A book people praise but don't read.
==============================================
ABOUT SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

ABOUT HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -first is before marriage and second, after marriage

================================

Understand Your Parents …For Pakistani’s and Indian’s

When they say: They actually mean:
· Sano...........Snow
· Tikert....... Ticket
· Egg-joss.... Exhaust
· Fota........... Photos
· Lipti........... Lipstick
· Phast......... Fast
· Pholowur.. Flower
· Gilas.......... Glass
· Palty......... Party
· Gorment.. Goverment
· Peeja......... Pizza
· Fhanta...... Fanta
· Punch....... Sponge
· Booth........ Car Boot
· Kittli.......... Kettle
· Boota......... Boots(shoes)
· Winda........ Windows
· Winbly....... Wembley
· Die Vos...... Divorce
· NewBrand.Brand New
· Jung.......... Young
· Caffol......... Scaffold
· Istill........... Steel
· Bowel........ Bowl
· Jee TV.......Zee TV
· Isschool......School
· Junivaristy... University
· Istawbury.... Strawberry
· Isscooter...... Scooter
· Iscrew Driver.... Screwdriver
· Kale.......... Tomorrow and Yesterday
· Beetish...... British
· Billu........... Blue
· Phen......... Fan
· Amreeka.. America
· Veeza....... Visa
· Philam...... Film
· Borras.......Brush
· Gero......... Zero
· Apormant... Appointment
· Haspatal..... Hospital
· Revind........ Reverse
· Music Down Cur...... Turn Down the Music
· Bullworth.......... Woolworths
· Bideo......... Video
· Canida...... Canada